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Your $$ is only good if you act appropriately shameful of yourself
December 30th, 2008 by draconismoi

At least, I think that is what this douchebag asshat fuckwad business-owner is saying.  But I could be wrong. I don’t speak fluent homophobe.

Oh right, context.  A woman I go to school with just got engaged (so common an event, I am more likely to remember someone’s footwear than the soon-to-be-happy-couple. Fucking? Engaged? Married? Roommates? Am I really expected to remember everyone’s relationship status?) and began doing the wedding-planning thing.  She noticed that some wedding sites were pretty set on the bride/groom distinctions, and emailed them requesting more-inclusive language that would better fit this couple (and, you know, millions of others).  One site sent back this absolutely touching response to a customer complaint.  Which was then forwarded to our campus Queer rights group.  

We sincerely regret that you feel that way, but we do uphold the DOMA for our own personal beliefs, just as you have the right to do so for your personal beliefs and choices.

We do not feel that DOMA takes away your rights, as much as same-sex marriages take away the rights of children who may be affected by such unions by depriving them from the natural law of a heterosexual couple. The 14th amendment should be protecting the innocent children long before it does the knowledgeable adults who choose to participate in same-sex unions. So in reality, you are knowingly or ignorantly taking away the rights of children who don’t have a choice before you give them a choice.

We do wish you well, and best of luck, but we also invite you to consider the natural law of things, as all things have a natural law, and same-sex unions go against the very natural law of our anatomy and makeup as well as God-Given gender characteristics.

*For the not-so-legally-minded among my readers.  DOMA is the so-called ‘Defense of Marriage Act’ that allows homophobic government officials to completely disregard various laws and rights as applied to Queer citizens.  The 14th Amendment is one of those pesky post-civil-war amendments that guarantees equal protection under the law to all people, no matter how much you are hated for having the nerve to exist.

Well now that you’ve seen the letter, is my interpretation correct?  Or is my queerphobic translator out-of-whack?  Any alternate translations?

In related news, it may surprise absolutely no one to learn that this customer-oriented open-minded businessman seems to be having fiscal troubles of late and is selling.  Leading me to wonder if a homophobic brand that goes to such great lengths to alienate a large portion of the customer-base (keep in mind that young people overwhelming support queer rights) really worth $2 million?  

I wonder if Mr. Smith, so concerned with God’s opinion of his business strategy, is aware that Jesus already publicly explained that gay marriage will save the economy?


10 Responses  
  • John writes:
    December 31st, 2008 at 3:12 am

    Went to their site and the only thing I read about homosexuality was the Justice of the Peace Mary Pugh link that had a FAQ on legal status of same sex marriage in Connecticut. I guess it was geared towards heterosexual couples, but in a time when most everywhere in America its illegal to have a same sex marriage doesn’t it make good business sense to cater to the largest market possible? And wouldn’t being in the marriage business mean there’s a chance you will work with more people who won’t deal with you if you advocate a practice which they don’t agree with, costing them business?

    As for the inclusive language, I don’t know what your gay marriage person said in her inquiry (does she like being called a bride-to-be/groom-to-be/gay marriage person/engaged entity? Probably not engaged entity, huh?), but it sounds like she did everything she could. You can say “hey, business person, I’m a potential customer but your methods do not appeal to me,” and if you get enough people to tell them the same thing eventually they might see a potential market being missed and change their approach, but maybe not, thats not so much freedom of speech as it is capitalism. If the person responds with “hey, its my business, you got no right to tell me how to frame my message,” (thats technically true isn’t it law lady?) then I guess they can count on losing your friends business, which it sounds like they could have used awhile ago, shame for everyone really.

    I guess what I’m trying to say in all that is I went onto a F***ING WEDDING WEBSITE to tell you s*** you already know cause I’m monumentally bored right now. You asked for opinions from the masses, lookit what you did? FYI, I happen to own Edge Shave Gel. And it has nothing to do with any particular advertising approach they may have used on me and everything to do with all my previous shaving products sorely lacking in “ultimate moistrisity” and “colossal flirt ability” which are qualities I’ve come to demand in my shaving experience. Nah, I’m kidding, I don’t shave cause facial hair gives me the power to communicate with all marsupials except kangaroos for some reason. Just another super power people never knew they had until they graduate from college and become monumentally bored.

    Oh, and I agree with Becky, her being the only friend I ever knew you had with common sense, that cutting off the locks will probably come back to haunt you. Buuuuuuuuut if you do trim down, totally do it right and give the trimmings to Locks of Love; http://www.locksoflove.org/

    Contributing to the welfare of children suffering from cancer would not only be one way you can give back to the really natural law of lawdom your existence otherwise besmirches, but might be the extra weight on the scales of eternal judgement that tip in your favor to, well, certainly not get you out of hell, but maybe get you less torture then you’d otherwise receive. You’d certainly like that, wouldn’t ya, huh, less torture? Ahhhhhh, I know you would. Anyway, think about it.

    John

  • draconismoi writes:
    December 31st, 2008 at 9:37 am

    Well if I hadn’t suspected you were monumentally bored, the novel length response would have tipped me off.

    Since you expressed such interest in the details of the correspondence, I guess I can elaborate. From what I understand there is all this stuff that says ‘Bride’s family/gifts/seating/blahblahblah” and “Groom’s family/gifts/seating/blahblahblah” but it was coded into the forms and layout, so she couldn’t change it to just say their names – which really does make more sense all around. I think using your actual names at your actual wedding would be a good idea. That, I believe, is what she emailed requesting they make possible. The first response came from the dude’s company email all ‘blah blah we support DOMA, but feel free to buy our shit even it we refuse to accommodate you.” She replied to that with a “yeah, I think I’ll go to a non-homophobe to plan my uber-fancy and gratuitously-spendy wedding. Did I mention we’re both law students from New England? I’ll be telling every single person I know to avoid you as well.”

    That was when he replied with that fucking queerphobic email.

    I have worked customer service. The appropriate response to her complaint is “we’ll look into it, thank you for your suggestions” or “i’m sorry, we outsource the design of our products and are unable to make changes from our end.” Yes it’s b.s., but it does prevent the woman who, like every other 3L in the greater Boston area, is planning a huge frakking wedding from telling all her little friends about what a douchebag you are.

    Also, if you are so MONUMENTALLY BORED that you were willing to look at a damn wedding site (I only linked, I clicked nowhere), you obviously need a second or third job. I’ve found that having 3 jobs pretty much kills monumental boredom by drowning it in sleep deprivation and stress.

  • Anonymous writes:
    January 1st, 2009 at 11:43 am

    You failed to mention the entire story. You are one of many individuals and companies who were contacted by your friend and were told that the owner (a good friend of mine) and his company were “bigoted, hateful people who were, disrespectful, ill-founded, ignorant, close-minded…” and many other choice words I choose not to spell out. I have permission to share the default response to such a question as your friend asked on that site. I invite you to ask your friend to show you the first response she was given before she responded with her tolerance outrage, to see if it is any different.

    YOUR FRIENDS NAME WOULD GO HERE,

    We appreciate your polite request and respect your decisions and rights as a couple. You may choose to use our site for your marriage purposes, but I must inform you that WedDepot.com’s current ownership supports DOMA as shown in our terms of use, section 12.
    http://www.weddepot.com/terms_of_use.php

    Due to supporting DOMA, we are satisfied with the current setup of our forms.

    End of email…

    Non-threatening, and even an invitation was given to use the website. What you have not posted, and what other biased websites have not posted are the responses by your friend that lead to the personal and private email you have posted above as well as the many emails others have sent to the owner and company. The above email is number 4 email, you are missing the one sent back from your friend and her many other friends. Your friend has twisted things as most in such groups do to cry tolerance to the world. At this point, she and many others have become tyrants of tolerance irrespective of others beliefs and love towards such people. We have many acquaintances who love and respect my friend of whom you are speaking about and guess what, surprise they are gay or lesbian. So many like your friend are so blind they only see one side, and they, like many other groups, cry when they don’t get their way, and they assume that they are hated. It is very disappointing to see the manner in which your friend has handled this.

  • draconismoi writes:
    January 1st, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    Oh wow I was tempted to delete this troll a la Twisty……but he is my first troll (ah, a moment), and I thought in all fairness I’d let him speak. Plus, it was kinda funny. Tyrants of tolerance? And the old ‘but i know gay people and totally love them as long as they are totally kosher with their inferior status!’

    Why do people even use that line? I mean, would it work for a racial minority or women? “oh some of my best friends are women and they love me even though I don’t support their right to be paid equally to men or have access to necessary health care or not be sexually assaulted.”

    Dear troll: did you think from looking at my tagline/past posts/response to the intense queerphobia** in that email that your little gripe about being forced to live in a society filled with difference would do anything for me? You and your friend reap the benefits of the patriarchy every day. The sad fact present in your comment is that the (relatively recent) societal requirement that you publicly pretend not to actively despise women/queers/minorities is too much for you and friend to handle. And says a helluva lot more about you two than it does about (one of) the lesbian couple(s) I go to school with.

    **Did you know that most rabid homophobes like you and your friend are generally repressing latent homosexual urges? Your hatred of the queer community is actually a manifestation of personal fear.

  • Anonymous writes:
    January 1st, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    I can agree with you on possible discriminatory wording, which I believe comes from the gull to respond to not just one but many attacks, if you will, on the individual’s moral character, name, beliefs, and more. So, I am surfing the internet, looking for other of your friends to the girl who sent you this email, and we find his name added on an anti-gay blacklist… I wonder who put that there? could it be you, your friend, your group? Did you or others care to ask him for his name before they forged it on such a list? When will it stop, is what I propose, and how… rather than fight and accuse, what do you propose to end it?

  • draconismoi writes:
    January 1st, 2009 at 12:42 pm

    Oooo, there are anti-gay blacklists? I am unfamiliar with these. I will have to look into it more.

    The only blacklists I am familiar with are the ones put up by pro-life groups asking people to assassinate abortion providers – they are always updated with red lines through the deceased doctors who dared to provide health services to women. Isn’t the internet wonderful? Sadly, as long as the home and office addresses of those individuals are open to the public, making them targets for violence, I am not so concerned with any proposed boycott of a business that publicly support a law many individuals find repugnant to the spirit (and letter) of the constitution.

    Thanks for letting me know about other bloggers! I hadn’t thought about other people posting responses…..nevermind. I only see one. That is not plural outrage! Now onto this blacklist you mentioned…..

  • sigmadog writes:
    January 1st, 2009 at 2:45 pm

    — yawn —

  • Not Anonymous writes:
    January 1st, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    What your troll is saying is that it’s ok to offend and defame an entire community but no one can comment, at all, on his friend. Is is his friend Jesus Christ? Is he really above any level of criticism for his choices? I can’t imagine who added him to a blacklist since the only ones I know of are public recordings of those who donated TO Prop 8. Since this man sent an e-mail representing a public website, the content is neither defamation nor slander.

    Sorry, but you can’t take back your hate speech. Perhaps Anonymous’ friend should apologize rather than have his “friends” post grammatically incorrect suppositions on his behalf…

  • draconismoi writes:
    January 1st, 2009 at 5:45 pm

    Yeah I did some serious searching for this so-called blacklist that Smith is on now…..but it doesn’t bloody exist. Damn! I already boycott so many stores for their discriminatory employment practices, factory conditions and environmental impact….this would just add to the list. Alas the only blacklist of any kind for the homophobes is prop 8 related. And crying about that is a pot-kettle situation since the pro-prop 8 people blackmailed the big ‘no’ funder before the election was even over.

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