Did I ever mention that I read a lot? Probably not, because TV shows and movies tend to be so much more enraging on the feminist front, and law school really did sap my energies in terms of relaxation-style reading. But the point is: I read. A lot. I have since I was a kid – yes I was that kid. The kid whose friends said “my parents would pay me to read as much as you do,” while I bemoaned a grounding that included confiscations of my BOOKS! MY BOOKS! OH THE HUMANITY!
Ahem. Well, as I mentioned, law school toned down the reading. Note: 2 part time jobs + full time legal education =/= brain power necessary to turn pages.
But guess what? Now I am an unemployed lawyer! Which means that lack of exposure to a constant stream of written word makes me edgy. Enter the cycle of my life:
- Boost of confidence and energy!
- Research dozens of jobs, debate pros and cons of each, apply for the best.
- Read book to celebrate.
- Receive rejection letters.
- Spiral into mopey reject emo depression (dear sweet god AM I REGRESSING TO FIFTEEN?!), apply for the crappy jobs I didn’t want in the first place.
- Read entire collection of books to distract self from aforementioned self-loathing.
- Boost of Confidence and Energy!
Rinse and repeat.
Good thing I am living in the land of Powells. Oh sweet beautiful Powells.
What was the purpose of this post again? Oh, right. The transgressions of UF series authors.
Since I have been reading so extensively lately, I am all caught up on the works of some long-time favorite authors (e.g. Kelley Armstrong), developed some new obsessions (e.g. Ilona Andrews), and completely written off the works of others (e.g. Charlaine Harris).
Once upon a time (way back during my stint as an undergrad), Draconismoi wandered into Heaven and brought home a souvenir. That souvenir was the first book in a new series – Magic Bites. And I fucking hated it. I despised the book immensely, got rid of said offending item (yes, mom, I do sometimes get rid of books) and swore off the author.
All of the pieces for Draconismoi-devotion were there. They had a kick-ass snarky heroine. Awesome UF world-building without reliance on cliches (Draconismoi will not stand for the use of the Soul Mate or extra-super-awesome-inexplicableness of the main character that serves merely to make them inexplicably-super-aweomse). But I despised it. I recall the book being a trial to finish – because it had so much potential and then bombed for me. Don’t get me wrong. I loved the main character and the world she lived in…..but her adventure? The bad guy? Her romantic trials? Her friendish person? DEAR GOD WHY WON”T THEY ALL DIE RRRRRRRRRRAHHHHHHHH!!! As it’s been several years since reading said book I can’t envision my disgust in detail. But it was there. I wouldn’t so much as touch anything bearing a similarity to that cover.
Years later, I get an ebook copy of On the Edge. First book in a new series. Is awesome. First step upon finishing said book? Go track down every other thing author has written…..WHAT THE FUCK it’s the author of THAT BOOK!? Hatehatehate.
Yes, that was my reaction. Normally I would have moved on – never to give Ilona another chance. But I have this free time (seriously still not used to it, I keep saving random articles and citations to use in that eventual paper I just know is going to come up). I am well aware of the horrendous awfulness of the first book….but then libraries are doing ebooks now, so I can skim the latest offering and see if Kate snapped and killed everyone (now that I think about it, this may be my problem with the first book – her so-called friend, boyfriend and obvious long term love interest all needed to suffer. Why did they not suffer for being such douchebags?) without ever leaving the comfort of this chair.
Hint: Kate does not kill everyone. But Magic Strikes was good. Really good. Fabulously good. So good I even read Magic Burns (second book in series) and the short story Magic Mourns. Then I started reading the authors’ blog, squealed with joy that they were moving to the Land of Powells (aka Heaven), and generally obsessed over getting one of the various free copies floating around of the 4th book pending it’s release.
All was fine and good until I finally paid attention to the cover art. And the hate came back. My recent forays into the Magicpocaplyse were all via ebook – I hadn’t paid attention to the covers of any previous offering. But dear god they are all in the same style as THAT book that I LOATHED. GAH! Now I want a coverless copy of Magic Bleeds! One that doesn’t burn my eyes with such horror (note: for UF, the covers are objectively not that bad – they just remind me of the pervious hate I unjustly heaped upon the series).
This got me thinking. I am a voracious reader of Urban Fantasy, Fantasy, Horror and Science Fiction. I probably own hundreds of mass market paperbacks that are hidden in my old room at m parents’ house, not to mention the dozens I’ve already managed to accumulate here in the Land of Powells. But I am unforgiving. When I am burned by an author (i.e. they release I book I dislike), I will not touch anything by them. Ever.
SERIOUSLY AMAZON LISTEN TO ME.* You will never get me to touch anything by Kim Harrison. Never. Again. Hell it was YOUR fault I bothered with that Dead Witch Walking crap to begin with. Rachel Caine? Can’t stand your Morganville Vampires with their whiny teen genius anymore than the Weather Wardens and their Bestest Warden Ever. And don’t even get me started on the overhyped Harry Dresden (though I hear I might actually enjoy his latest book. Mwahahah).
And yet, I managed to forgive Ilona. I’ve blocked out the entire first book in my mind (kinda like editing out those last few minutes of Doctor Who’s season 4 finale). As far as I am concerned book 2 is book 1, and all is right with the world.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not contemplating revisiting the worlds of the aforementioned transgressors – but I am thrilled I gave Ilona another chance (maybe it was just first-book-syndrome. Or it could have been. If that book actually existed in my world**). It’s not going to happen again. You don’t strike gold twice. I am unforgiving of authorial transgressions.
Next time I will explain an even worse authorial transgression: that of the awesome on-going series that TURNS INTO UTTER SHIT. I am looking at you Anita Blake. You started this. Sookie Stackhouse is just finishing it.
* I do not buy things from Amazon. Because they are misogynist, Orwellian, homophobic assholes.But they do have quite a wonderful recommendations algorithm which I utilize via the WishList. I swear I can feel the rage of their programs whenever I update it with the loved/hate/nowiownit buttons without ever spending $$ on their site. Eat shit you bastards! Draconismoi never forgets!
**Nevermind. The court rejects First Book Syndrome as a valid defense for the existence of THAT book on the basis that Kelley Armstrong’s Bitten (a first book) is one of the Best Books Of All Time (definitely the Best Werewolf Book). I read that thing so many times the library had to go out and buy additional copies. Hell, I believe it is up there with Good Omens, It, and Sunshine as books I literally read to pieces. Now I buy trade paperbacks.
